Tuesday, April 15, 2014

From the Cereal Aisle: Undercover Bears Oatmeal

Product: Undercover Bears Oatmeal
Company: General Mills
Years: 1990 - ???

I was never a big oatmeal eater growing up, which is probably why I missed this interesting product from the early 90's: Undercover Bears Oatmeal.

General Mills took the wholesome goodness of oatmeal and the teeth sticking stickiness of gummi bears, combined them, came up with a loveable animal character to be the pitchman, put them in stores, failed to connect on a large scale with kids, lowered prices not once, but 3 times, remained unsuccessful, fired the marketing execs that came up with the idea in the first place, then pulled Undercover Bears from the store shelves, and wept.

I never heard of them until someone posted about them over at Cerealbits.com (check out the site for your fill of retro cereal box goodness!). So I did a little digging, and still didn't come up with much. I was hoping to find a scan of the box, but only found commercial stills and pictures from newpaper ads instead.

Basically, they were gummy bears that were coated in some sort of maple/brown sugar coating and hidden in the oatmeal, so when you the hot water, they bears would magically appear in your bowl!

*actually only amazing to people who are easily amazed, such as kids, and some dumb adults.

These quite possibly were only around for a year, maybe two,  from the little info I could find. So if you remember them, hats off to you my oatmeal loving friends.

Researching these lead me to a lot of gimicky oatmeals from the 80's and 90's I had forgotten about, so I jotted them all down and will be sure to cover more of them here in the future.

Pinky swear.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

From the Snack Aisle: Buenos Tortilla Chips

Product: Buenos Tortilla Chips
Company: Nabisco
Years: 1981-1983

Wow, I actually remember these. Which is weird, because they didn't last very long. I don't remember the taste, I just remember the package.
Made from real stoneground corn, these chips came in 2 shapes, round and triangle. Seriously, it was the same freaking chips, just in 2 different shapes. So all the equipment that was used to make and package these chips had to be doubled, one set for the rounds, and one set for the triangles. Which is probably why they were discontinued. It was expensive to produce the same basic product in 2 shapes.
I'm guessing old people bought the round chips because they were safer....no sharp edges, very friendly looking. Almost like a smiley face, minus the face. The triangles were what the kids ate....3 sharp points, almost like a knife, not so safe for those kids who loved to live on the wild side and roll the dice while eating their chips. Will I stab my mouth or not? Who cares, I'm young! *Crunch*

If you hurry you can rush out and get yourself a bag with the attached coupon, assuming you have a time machine. Expires 9-30-83.

They came in traditional and Nacho cheese flavors only. Back in simpler times, when 2 or 3 flavors were perfectly ok. Not like now when to be a successful chip company you need to have at least 87 flavors.

Ah, the 80's. Simpler times.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

From the Cereal Aisle: Insane Clown Pebbles

Product: Insane Clown Pebbles
Company: Post
Year: 2014

These would be bought by a million Juggalos worldwide.
Because they're high as a kite and have poor taste.

Happy April Fools Day, Everyone!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

From the Endangered Groceries List - Peeps Marshmallow Flavored Freezer Pops from Just Born

Imagine the sugary, artificial flavors of Peeps Marshmallows.......only in ICE FORM!

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
I'm not even sure what to classify these as.... Frozen Foods? Snacks? Horrible Ideas? Just Born's idea of a joke? Genius?

Whatever you call them, go get some of these if you can find them. I can't imagine they'll be around for long.
4 flavors, 10 pops per box. And they retail for under $2.00 a box.

I'm sure one day you'll go to buy some, and poof, they'll be gone.
Without a peep.

Yeah, I know......that one hurt me too, but it was for your own good.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

From the Candy Aisle: Nestle Go Ahead bars

Product: Go Ahead
Company: Nestle
Years: 1977-198?

Here's another candy bar from the list (I'm pretty sure there's a list, you guys) of candy bars that that couldn't quite get a foothold into the grand lexicon of the candy industry. For every Snickers and Three Musketeers, there are hundreds, even thousands, or maybe six candy bars that came and went, like a wonderful chocolate fantasy passing in the night. So today we take a quick look at Nestle's Go Ahead Bar.

The Go Ahead Bar was a made of Chocolate, crunchy crisps (think Rice Krispies) and Peanut Butter.
But it wasn't just fattening delicious candy, it was "Fortified with 19 Essential Vitamins and Minerals". That's why I'd eat 4 in one sitting, so I could get 76 Essential Vitamins and minerals (I know, I'd really only be getting 4x of each of those vitamins and minerals, not really 76 different ones, but you just shut up about it already, Steve.)

Image By Jason Liebig

These bars don't seem to have been around for very long, 4 or 5 years tops. Part of the reason was that they were a little more expensive (possibly due to falling into the "nutrition bar" category), so people would often opt for the cheaper bars. And because of all you cheapskates, this bar was sadly pulled from the shelves. They rounded up the bars and put them in boxes, then took them out back and stabbed them. That or they just marked them down put them on the clearance rack. Not sure.

So that's it for today. I wish I knew more about these bars, and one day I may march over to Nestle headquarters and demand to speak with the person responsible for discontinuing the Go Ahead Bar. I'll handcuff myself to the sofa in the lobby, and chant "BRING BACK GO AHEAD" (which actually doesn't make ANY sense out of context). I'll sit there, for days if needed, until I get some answers for all you Gone but Not Forgotten Grocery Fans.

And then after security escorts me from the building, I'll probably just go to the gas station and get a Snickers.
After all, they are cheaper.