From the Beverage Aisle: Aspen Soda

Product: Aspen Soda
Company: PepsiCo
Years: 1978-1982

Alert Reader Alert! (Wait, huh?) Loyal reader and all around standup guy, Mike Henry, recently sent me an email about a product we currently don't have in stock. That product was one that I hadn't heard of, which in a way, made me feel kind of sad. I like to think I know everything, based solely on my own observations of myself and what my mom tells me, and with two simple words, Mike brought me crashing down to earth.

Those 2 words were: Aspen Soda.

Wait, Whats this now? What in tarnation is Aspen soda? Are you making it up???

BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING!

Mild depression set in for a few days upon realization that I don't know everything. I spent an entire week on the internets, learning about all the things that I didn't know, including but not limited too: Wombats (real), trigonometry (was pretty sure the teacher was making it up as he went along), and now, Aspen Soda.

Aspen soda was an "Crisp and clear" apple flavored soda created by PepsiCo in the late 70's. It was meant to compete with all the lemon lime sodas on the market, which there were many of. For some reason, though, there wasn't an apple flavored soda, and PepsiCo stuck a bunch of money trying to fill this void.

Turns out the reason was that apple soda really wasn't that good. I mean, it wasn't BAD, or anything.....it just isn't something people really want a whole lot of. In the early 80's, Pepsi decided to rebrand this soda as Slice (another failed soda, for the same reason).

Then, Apple soda went away all together, like the wombats did.

(Correction, wombats are still around.)

Here's the Aspen commercial.

I can't believe this is a real thing. I die a little inside every time I watch this.

Expired Coupon Daze - Ralston Crispits

Ralston Crispits

Potato!!! Sour Cream!!! Taco!!! Corn? Yes....Corn!!!

Coupon Expired - Long Ago (1974)

Hey! I won! A coupon! Worth 20 cents! My life is horrible.

(But ma, it's got 20% Protein! I'm being healthy!)

From the Endangered Groceries List - Jack Daniel's Kiddie Cocktails

Product: Jack Daniels Non-Alcoholic Kiddie Cocktail
Company: Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey
Years: 2015

You may do a double take a little later this year while strolling the juice box aisle of your grocery store, as a new, moderately questionable product is going to be making an appearance.

Jack Daniels is set to release a new juice box, aimed at kids who "just want to be cool like mom and dad".  Yes, that's right....Jack Daniel's Kiddie cocktails will soon be hitting the shelves.

I can't blame them, I mean, I have kids....and I know anytime we go to a restaurant that has a bar in it, I end up buying several "Kiddie Cocktails" from the Bar, which are nothing more then soda, some juice, and syrups. Kids love them, so someone realized there is money to be made here.

They will come in 4 flavors: "Cool Like Dad" Dragonfruit, "Cool Like Mom" Mango, "Cool like Uncle Gary" Grape, and "Cool Like Aunt Lisa" Lemon.

I have to say, I am a bit surprised that this managed to pass the approval process, with the whole "Marketing to kids" thing that got Joe Camel in trouble in the 90's.

But I ask that everyone refrain from getting outraged. Please don't write your senators. Please don't start an online petition to get these pulled from shelves. Because I promise you, as the Owner of Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries, that these will not be on shelves long.

In fact, I'm guessing they probably won't make it more then a day. Probably only today, in fact.

April 1st. Just that one day.

Yep. I did that. Enjoy the rest of your April Fools Day, you crazy knuckleheads!