Tuesday, August 6, 2013

From the Frozen Foods Dept.: Micro Magic Milkshakes

Product: Micro Magic Milkshakes
Company: Simplot (J.R. Simplot Co.)
Years: 1989-?

MicroMagic milkshakes - vanilla chocolate strawberry - partial packages - 1980's
Image by Jason Liebig

I don't even want to write about Micro Magic Milkshakes. It's so stupid. Really. I mean, if you put any ice cream in the microwave for 45 seconds, it becomes the consistency of a shake.......doesn't it?

The J.R. Simplot company has taken us for fools, people.....FOOLS!

This microwave shake came in three, possibly four flavors: Everyone knows about the Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, but according to the newspaper article below, there was also an Orange version. I don't remember the orange ones, and I've never seen a package from one, so not sure if they were regional or what the deal is. The point is, I can't believe I'm still talking about a cup of $1.39 ice cream that was melted in the microwave and presented as a milkshake.

These were part of Micro Magic's "Hey America: You got a new microwave! Let's all get fat!" campaign from the late 80's that included not only the milk shakes, but microwave french fries and microwave cheeseburgers.

"Let's nuke these bitches and eat!!!!" *tears open packages*

I would normally say that this was just a "Fad" food of the 80's, but microwave burgers and fries are still around today. In fact, Kroger sells a microwave milkshake still to this day. Yup.

Does anyone buy them? If I had to guess, I'd say that I don't really care and I STILL can't believe I'm talking about melted ice cream. I could be reading a book, or building a tree house with my kids....

If J.R. Simplot was selling dehydrated water I bet people would buy it.

But I will say this, I think everyone remembers these on the shelves of their frozen food aisles in the late 80's/early 90's, and perhaps, if not for any reason other then curiosity, bought some.
I can still remember my mom coming home with them one day and pulling them from the paper Piggly Wiggly bag like she just pulled a rabbit out of a hat, and as we all stood around the microwave watching the dimly lit carousel spinning round and round inside, as if some actual magic was taking place inside, and I realized, at that moment, that my mom had indeed wasted $1.39.

I sure hope she used a coupon.