From the Snack Aisle: Richard Simmon's Slimmons

Product: Slimmons Snacks (Various)
Company: The Richard Simmons Living Trust
Years: 1996-?

Only 6 years after the trainwreck known as Richard Simmon's Salad Spray (which I covered here), Mr. Simmons decided it was time to work out a new product and hopefully make some money while at the same time making people healthier. So in 1996, he rolled out his line of "Slimmons" snacks.

I must admit, I had never heard of these until this last weekend while stumbling across an image of the Buttery Toffee Popcorn online:

But as I dug a little deeper, I realized that Slimmons wasn't just popcorn, but an entire line of different healthy snacks (9 different items according to internet news clippings).

I dug around and found that one other item was Devil's Food Cookies, and my friend Jason Liebig over at CollectingCandy.com actually had a box:

But that's only 2 items of a supposed 9. There is also a photo of the Sourdough Pretzels floating around online......But what were the other items? This is what I could dig up:

1. Buttery Toffee Popcorn
2. Devil's Food Cookies
3. Sourdough Pretzels
4. Some sort of Cheese Flavored Puffed Corn (looking for image)
5. Some sort of chocolate candy bar (looking for image)
6. Rice Cakes (looking for image)
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???

From what I can gather these did not last very long in the market, and some items may have been regional. So I'm asking all you Honorary Stock Boys and Girls to help me out. If you know of any other Slimmon's treats, or better yet have a scan or an image of the packages, let me know!

From the Snack Aisle: Screaming Yellow Zonkers

Product: Screaming Yellow Zonkers
Company: Lincoln Foods
Years: 1969-2007

Sometimes in life, you are aware of certain things without ever getting to experience them.
I am aware of White Castle hamburgers, but there aren't any remotely near where I live, so I've never had them.
I am aware of perms, but unless I lose a bet or get paid a LOT of money, I'll never have one.
And I was aware of Screaming Yellow Zonkers when they were around, but for whatever reason always passed. And now, it's too late. (for the Screaming Yellow Zonkers, not the perm, but I'm still gonna pass on that one).

Screaming Yellow Zonkers was a popcorn snack produced by Lincoln Foods in the 60's-2000's. It had a very sweet, sugary glaze over them. No Peanuts. No prize at the bottom. Just a sweet, sweet popcorn snack.



Doesn't sound so interesting, does it?

Well, the real draw of the Screaming Yellow Zonkers was not what was inside, but what was on the outside: one of the most brilliant packages ever. The box was a striking black box (claimed to be one of the first black packages on the market) with all kinds of cool, goofy illustrations and text around the box, including tips on "How to Wash your Zonkers", or "How to Mate Your Zonkers".  On the bottom of the box, a quick guide was printed explaining how to determine if it were indeed the bottom: “Open the top, and turn the box upside down. If the Zonkers fall out, this is the bottom. If they fall up, this is the top. If nothing happens, this box is empty.”

The box was brilliantly created by Hurvis, Binzer and Churchill, a young start up ad agency out of Chicago. Artists such as Charlie White and Seymour Chwast illustrated the boxes with imaginative drawings that just scream all kinds of awesomeness.

Box Photo by Jason Liebig

And what makes the boxes even cooler is that they would frequently come out with new boxes full of other goofy stuff. Brilliant, just brilliant. Had I been paying attention, the collector/hoarder in me would have been thrilled.

Unfortunately, in 2007, Lincoln Foods was bought out by Conagra, and the Screaming Yellow Zonkers were discontinued, leaving me, like a fool, wishing I had picked up a box or 10 or 100 while I had the chance.
Instead, I'm left alone to eat my Poppycock and Cracker Jacks. Peanuts and all.

Box photo by Jason Liebig