Great, now that Van Halen song is going to be stuck in my head again.
Pepsi announced yesterday that starting August 8th in the US (and July 7th in Canada) retailers nationwide will start carrying 20 OZ bottles of Crystal Pepsi for a limited time.
Last year, Pepsi gave away a very limited amount of this clear failed soda from the early 90's as a giveaway, but this will be the first time in over 20 years you will see it on the shelves. It will only be available for 8 weeks, so stock up before it goes away forever.
Again.
Or until Pepsi wants to make another cash grab like this.
Because really, it's all this is. Pepsi is cashing in the success of all the retro products that have found new life recently. Ecto Cooler......Hostess Suzi-Q's.....even the awesome 80's candy Bonkers is poised to make a return.
But the limited release is nothing but a cash register sound to resellers/scalpers, who will buy up all the stock and resell it online for huge profit. Heck, I saw cases of the recently re-released Ecto Cooler selling for staggering amounts on eBay, and I fear that unless Pepsi really makes sure the Crystal Pepsi is available in large quantities throughout the nation, we will see a similar thing happen. Which sucks.
Well, it sucks for people who actually liked this stuff.
I wasn't a fan in the early 90's, but I'd give it another chance. In the name of science•.
*I was just contacted by science, and it told me to leave it's name out of it.
Product: Hubba Bubba Soda
Company: AJ Canfield Company - AKA "Novelty Beverage"
Years: 1988 - ?
If I was playing "100,000 Pyramid" in 1988, and was the one giving the clues, and the category just so happened to be "Things You Shouldn't Put into Your Mouth", you can bet that "Hubba Bubba Soda" would be the first thing I would say (after I had a good chuckle about all the OTHER, much dirtier things I could say, many of which wouldn't be suitable for daytime TV, most of them offensive enough to get Dick Clark to probably ban me from the show indefinitely, or at least until Ed Begley Jr. or Betty White were unavailable.)
Hubba Bubba Soda started to "pop" up (ha! see what I did there???) on shelves in 1988. It was the brain child of Steve Roeder, who concocted the flavor using bubble gum snow cone syrup. Initially released in the Chicago area, it became such a hit novelty drink that it started to have a much wider distribution, reaching most other parts of the US for a limited time. How limited? Good question. I'm not really sure if this soda lasted a year, or possibly 2, but it wasn't around for long. I remember seeing it, but never quite worked up the courage.
Because nobody wants to drink bubblegum. Fact.
Oh, and if it wasn't bad enough, it also came in Diet, because if you saw a Bubble gum flavored soda on the shelves and didn't want all the calories, you are a horrible person and should realize that Hubba Bubba bubblegum was made for children, and is made of 126% sugar. (wait, can something be over 100%? I'm 108% certain that it can...) If they made diet flavored bubble gum, would you buy it? No. No you would not. So why would you even THINK about buying a diet bubble gum flavored soda??? My god, man, take a look at your life, and try to put together the events that led you to standing here in this soda aisle, actually contemplating buying Diet Hubba Bubba Soda. Is this where you want to be in your life? Is it? IS IT?????
Cans of this soda still "pop up" (Boom! I did it again!!!) on Ebay from time to time, so if you've got about $30 or so tucked away for a rainy day and don't really feel like giving it to me, bid away and hopefully you can own one.
Novelty foods aren't meant to last forever, and Hubba Bubba Soda certainly was that. It was possibly created on a dare....I'm not sure. If I had a can right here in front of me, I'd try it, though I'd rather try a Diet one if you have it......I'm trying to lose some of this weight......
Product - 7up Gold
Company - 7up/Dr. Pepper
Years - 1987-1988
When I think of boring soda, I think of 7up. Now, that isn't an indictment on its taste....it does have a clean, refreshing taste that every now and again hits the spot. But lets face it, it's what your grandparents have in their fridge. It's what you give the kids when you don't want them to have caffeine. It's a good, safe, soda. Which is the reason 7up Gold was an utter and gigantic failure. It was reaching for a target demographic that wasn't even there (hip, cool people who enjoy 7up). It tried to have edge when none was needed.
What happened is that in 1987, 7up and Dr. Pepper merged into on company. Cherry 7up had just hit the market and was doing really well, so they wanted to follow that success up with another variety of 7up. But there were several reasons why that wasn't such a good idea and would lead to the soda's demise.
Flavor: Sort of an apple Cinnamon flavor, not at all what you'd expect from 7up (I'm sure the cinnamon flavor came from someone on the Dr. Pepper side...great idea, boys. If you have any more ideas, please keep them to yourself)
Color: It was a brown color. Again, not at all what you'd expect when cracking open a can of 7up (ok, when your grandparents were cracking open a can of 7up for you when you were 8)
Caffeine: Yep, it had it. Once again, to beat a dead horse (probably died drinking this swill) people who drink 7up don't expect to get any caffeine. That's why my grandparents drank it.They wanted to be able to sleep at night (or afternoon, or mid-morning.....)
Marketing: I would love to tell you that they test marketed the shit out of this stuff, and that all signs pointed to it being a smash hit, which makes it even stranger that the stuff never took off. But I can't tell you that, because it was basically rushed into production with very little testing. The company didn't want to miss the boat on the success of Cherry 7up, so they rolled it out way too quickly.
Name: Had they given this soda it's own identity, it might not have failed so hard. I'm talking a completely new brand. Instead, they kept it part of the 7up family, and instead of calling it Apple Cinnamon 7up or what-have-you, they called it GOLD. Now I don't know about you, but I don't usually drink gold, so I don't have a reference point for it's taste (actually, gold is completely tasteless and odorless, so there's that too....). So calling it Gold left the taste of the soda a mystery for consumers. And like most people, if you don't know what your buying, you don't.
The Curse: The original prototypes for the cans were made with real gold leafing, and rumor has it that gold came from the lost tombs of King Tut. Because of this, every can created on the production line was cursed, and anyone who drank it turned into a brain hungry zombie. Remember that song Zombie by the Cranberries? That was a great song.
"In your head, in your head, Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou..."
Ok, I made that last one up, there was no curse. But there may as well have been, everything else was against them on this idea. (Note: 7up DID in fact release a Cranberry 7up, which was successful, so everything came full circle there and worked out for you, the reader).
Anyway, to sum up, 7up Gold failed hard. Even the CEO of the company admitted it.
In an article in the New York Times (1988), CEO John Albers stated, ''I'll be honest. It's a failure. I've been around for a long
time, and you think you learn your lessons and practice intelligent
marketing, but you can be sidetracked.''
And lets be honest with ourselves.....nobody really misses it.
If you'd like to refute that claim, feel free to post in the comments below.
Check out this awesome 7up Gold commercial, featuring one Kyle Gass of the famed Tenacious D -
Pepsi Holiday Spice
Company: Pepsi Cola
Years: 2004/2006
*takes a sip*
"What was that........ugh.....WHAT.....WAS......THAT??!??!??! *spits angrily*
I said get me a Pepsi, Carl...........wait, what the hell is this? Pepsi Holiday Spice?? What in the name of all that is holy is this crap??? *takes another, smaller sip* *spits angrily again*
EWW -UCH! Carl, I understand that you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but when I want a Pepsi, get me a damn Pepsi, not this.....Holiday......what it is......Holday Spice shit. Limited edition....I should hope so, because people shouldn't be subjected to this poor excuse for a soda any longer then humanly possible. Ugh! The taste!! IT BURNS MY LIPS! IT BURNS MY LIPS!!!!
What is IN this???? *looks at ingredients*. CINNAMON??!??! WHY WOULD YOU PUT CINNAMON IN A PERFECTLY GOOD SODA??!!?!?!?! I MEAN, WHY NOT JUST COME OUT WITH PEPSI SUMMER BLEND, MADE WITH @$%&*&% SUNSCREEN? OR PEPSI SHINE, MADE WITH SHOE POLISH?????? MY GOD, CARL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME. THE TASTE WON'T LEAVE MY MOUTH.......ITS JUST SITTING IN THERE, REMINDING ME WHAT AN IDIOT I AM FOR TRUSTING YOU TO COMPLETE A SIMPLE TASK LIKE GET ME A REGULAR PEPSI *&$%@#* COLA FROM THE FRIDGE! WHY WOULD THEY EVEN MAKE THIS STUFF?!?!? WHY, GOD......WHY?!?!?! *beats head on wall*.
I think my first/last encounter with Pepsi Holiday Spice went something like that. I might be over exaggerating a bit. But probably not.
I actually know people who liked this stuff. Yeah, I know, right?
Sold for a limited time in 2004, then brought back for a short stint in 2006.
Kind of like when you do something really stupid, then a few years later you start thinking about it again and wonder "maybe it was just a fluke that it didn't work out the first time around, I should give it another shot!" And you do, and quickly realize that it wasn't a fluke, it was just a dumb idea in the first place.
That's Pepsi Spice in a nutshell.
A Chestnut shell. Ha!
Happy Holidays from Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries!
