From the Candy Aisle: Dynamints

Product: Dynamints
Company: Dentyne
Years: 1970s

I was recently reminded of Dynamints by my friend Jason Liebig over at Collecting Candy  (if you haven't checked out his website already, what's wrong with you?). You see, in the 70's, when you would eat something like French Onion Soup, or Garlic Bread, or Limburger Cheese, you would need a quick fix to rid your mouth of that nasty odor. And what better to turn to then the super minty flavor of Dynamints! They were sort of like Tic-Tacs, only with a stronger flavor to fix the poor decision you made for lunch. Onion Rings??? Are you serious, man? You've got a hot date with Tina from accounting later tonight to go see "The Apple Dumpling Gang", and chances are, you're gonna end up making out. EVERYONE makes out with Tina from accounting, so you've gotta do something to counter your poor decision to have the Onion Rings for lunch. I don't care how bad her daddy issues are, if you still have rotten breath in a few hours, she's gonna say "no thanks" to the lip embrace.

Here, have some of these:

Image by Jason Liebig

Dynamints came in several different flavors: Peppermint, Spearmint, Regular, Fruit, Lemon Lime.....probably a few more that I'm forgetting too. Each plastic container contained 40 mints (and with your onion ring breath I'd suggest sucking on 39).

Image by Gregg Koenig

Image From Grickly

So thanks to Jason Liebig for reminding me of these Tic Tac wannabes. I wish I had some of these right now, I pick up Tina at 7:30. And I just ate an entire Bloomin' Onion. Damn you Outback!!!!

Happy Holidays from Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries!!!

Attention Shoppers: We will be closed for the Holidays so our employees can spend time with their families. And Open Presents. And drink large amounts of Eggnog (and beer.....and Gin......and Rum......and wine.......).

Thanks for your Patronage in 2012, and we are looking forward to bringing you even more extinct favorites from your past in 2013!

Now I'm gonna go and hook up my betamax and enjoy the classic 1982 Menudo Holiday special.

Feliz navidad from Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries!!!!

From the Cereal Aisle: WWF Superstars

WWF Superstars Cereal
Company: Ralston-Purina
Years: 1991-?

Photo by poptartsbox

Now entering the ring, from Ralston-Purina, weighing in at 14.25 oz....no, you aren't imagining things, it really did happen, the Cereal that turns heads and puts the "Stare" back into "Steroids" (yeah, yeah, I know.....), its WWF SUPERSTARS CEREAAAAAALLLLLL!

Back in the early 90's Ralston-Purina and WWF teamed up to bring the smack-down to your mouth with their new cereal, WWF Superstars. It was available in 4 certain to make your parents wonder what is wrong with you collectors boxes including The Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and the Legion of Doom. The cereal itself was lightly sweetened star shapes that I swear was used in about 4 other cereals and just repurposed for this short lived money-making adventure. Children loved the WWF. Parents love their children. Children beg parents to get the cereal with the oiled up half naked men with face paint/bondage gear on the front. Parents think "Sure, why not?" Children spend hours on therapist couch some 20 years later trying to figure it all out.

Look, I'm not saying Superstars cereal or WWF is to blame for us 30+ year olds that have messed up lives. I watched WWF through most of the 80's, stopped for a while, then picked it up again from about 96-2001 (though I haven't watched it since). But I am saying that we can't talk about WWF Superstars cereal without doing a "Where are they now" on the cover models. Here's the cliffs notes version:
Hogan just had a sex tape leaked, Warrior changed his legal name to "Warrior" (just Warrior...like Sting, or Madanna) and is now a conservative speaker denouncing left wing politics ("Queering doesn't make the world work" is one of his gems), and if I'm not mistaken, one of the guys from Legion of Doom had a serious drug and alcohol problem and died at a young age of a heart attack.

Exactly the people I want my kids to be staring at every morning while they get their breakfast on.

But hey, I grew up watching them, and I turned out alright. Or at least that's what my therapist tells me.

Here's a fun game! What other WWF wrestlers who wrestled in the 80's/90's and went on to have tragic lives could have also been on the boxes of WWF Superstars? Benoit? Owen Hart? In an industry that turns out so many broken lives and shattered dreams, the possibilites must be endless! Post your ideas below! And if you're an angry WWF/WWE fan who thinks I shouldn't be making fun of them, your opinions matter to me! Please email me at WWFisAwesome1981@compuserve.com.

From the Beverage Aisle: Pepsi Holiday Spice

Pepsi Holiday Spice
Company: Pepsi Cola
Years: 2004/2006

*takes a sip*
"What was that........ugh.....WHAT.....WAS......THAT??!??!??! *spits angrily*
I said get me a Pepsi, Carl...........wait, what the hell is this? Pepsi Holiday Spice?? What in the name of all that is holy is this crap??? *takes another, smaller sip* *spits angrily again*
EWW -UCH! Carl, I understand that you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but when I want a Pepsi, get me a damn Pepsi, not this.....Holiday......what it is......Holday Spice shit. Limited edition....I should hope so, because people shouldn't be subjected to this poor excuse for a soda any longer then humanly possible. Ugh! The taste!! IT BURNS MY LIPS! IT BURNS MY LIPS!!!!
What is IN this???? *looks at ingredients*. CINNAMON??!??! WHY WOULD YOU PUT CINNAMON IN A PERFECTLY GOOD SODA??!!?!?!?! I MEAN, WHY NOT JUST COME OUT WITH PEPSI SUMMER BLEND, MADE WITH @$%&*&% SUNSCREEN? OR PEPSI SHINE, MADE WITH SHOE POLISH?????? MY GOD, CARL, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME. THE TASTE WON'T LEAVE MY MOUTH.......ITS JUST SITTING IN THERE, REMINDING ME WHAT AN IDIOT I AM FOR TRUSTING YOU TO COMPLETE A SIMPLE TASK LIKE GET ME A REGULAR PEPSI *&$%@#* COLA FROM THE FRIDGE! WHY WOULD THEY EVEN MAKE THIS STUFF?!?!? WHY, GOD......WHY?!?!?! *beats head on wall*.

I think my first/last encounter with Pepsi Holiday Spice went something like that. I might be over exaggerating a bit. But probably not.

I actually know people who liked this stuff. Yeah, I know, right?

Sold for a limited time in 2004, then brought back for a short stint in 2006.
Kind of like when you do something really stupid, then a few years later you start thinking about it again and wonder "maybe it was just a fluke that it didn't work out the first time around, I should give it another shot!" And you do, and quickly realize that it wasn't a fluke, it was just a dumb idea in the first place.

That's Pepsi Spice in a nutshell.

A Chestnut shell. Ha!

Happy Holidays from Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries!

From the Cereal Aisle: S'mores Crunch

S'mores Crunch Cereal
Company: General Mills
Years: 1982-1988

Photo by Greg Koenig

Of all the cereals from my childhood, S'mores Crunch has to be in my top 5 cereals I'd bring back if I ever ran for President of the United States and won. Which in this day and age, with all the money floating around the elections, is pretty tough to do. I mean, sure, maybe if some of you chipped in and started a Super PAC for me and were able to donate a few million dollars each, then maybe. But as it sits right now, it's a long shot at best, so you can probably just count on S'mores Crunch remaining discontinued, and that's a damn shame. Because it was delicious.

Launched in 1982, S'mores Crunch was, to put it simply, Golden Grahams with marshmallows.
But when you cut down to the core of what made it great, it was more then that......it was truly special. It was grahams. It was chocolate. It was marshmallow. It was rainbows. It was unicorns. It was love.

It was all those things in a bowl (but mostly just the first 3).

You might remember the commercials for S'mores, which not unlike every kids cereal commercial made from the dawn of man, involved some kids trying to get some cereal. Then they run into a problem (someone steals their cereal / someone traps them in a cage and keeps them from getting their cereal / they get hit by a bus). Luckily, they have some help getting them to their beloved cereal. In this case, they are helped by The S'morecerer. He takes them out of the horrible situation they are in (trapped in a room with a Nickleback album playing over and over and over again) and drops them right smack dab in front of a big bowl of S'mores, and after finishing their cereal, one of the kids cleverly says "Can I have S'more?"
HAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahaaaaaa...........you stupid kid, no you can't have any more, it's been discontinued.

In the late 80's Smores Crunch tried to rebrand itself as S'mores Grahams, and it lasted a few more years into the early 90's, but it was finally discontinued for good after the great marshmallow famine of 1992. Or it just wasn't selling as well as it had been. It was one of those two things I think.

Photo by Jason Liebig

In 2003, Kelloggs ripped off the idea and came out with a cereal called Smorz which was a @%*#*!$ travesty to all things holy. It wasn't the same at all. It was a cheap knockoff of a cheap knockoff of a once great cereal. So I just pretend it never happened. Kind of like The Hangover 2.

Finally, an observation: Is anyone else kind of creeped out by the cartoon marshmallow on the box? I mean, on the S'mores Crunch box, it looks like him, Chocolate and Graham Cracker are all buds, just hanging out, smiling......waiting for you to take them home and love them. But then, on the S'mores Grahams box, Marshmallow has decided to eat his friends, like some sort of Marshzombie.
Just an observation I had. Probably means nothing.

Or does it? (note to self - load guns for impending zombie marshmallow apocalypse.)